


Welcome Home

by Historywriter2007



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War II, F/M, Marine!Peeta, PTO!Peeta, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-04-08 07:52:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19102873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Historywriter2007/pseuds/Historywriter2007
Summary: Katniss never told Peeta how much he meant to her and now that he's gone off to fight with the Marines in the Pacific she fears she will never get the chance. Each telegram delivery to their small town makes that fear stronger until someone shows up in the bakery and she gets the chance she never thought possible but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy.  Katniss sees that sometimes coming home is only half of the battle.





	1. You'll Never Know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alliswell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alliswell/gifts).



> I wrote this for dirtycomputeme's Birthday, but have plans to continue it, mainly because Alliswell21 wants it :)

You'll Never Know

 

Darling, I'm so blue without you  
I think about you the live-long day  
When you ask me if I'm lonely  
Then I only have this to say

You'll never know just how much I miss you  
You'll never know just how much I care  
And if I tried, I still couldn't hide my love for you  
You ought to know, for haven't I told you so  
A million or more times?

You went away and my heart went with you  
I speak your name in my ev'ry prayer  
If there is some other way to prove that I love you  
I swear I don't know how  
You'll never know if you don't know now

You'll never know just how much I miss you  
You'll never know just how much I care  
You said good-bye, no stars in the sky refuse to shine  
Take it from me, it's no fun to be alone  
With moonlight and memories- 1943

 

Katniss bent over to move items in the display case. She’d been working at the bakery since the baker's sons enlisted in the days after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. All three were now fighting in the Pacific Theater against the same people who attacked their country. With the boys gone Mr. Mellark asked Katniss if she would be interested in a job, it was better than working in one of the factories and gave her the ability to be there for her younger sister who was still in high school. 

 

Even though it had been nearly three years she still hated being alone in the bakery, it was too quiet. Mr. Mellark had left to take a delivery of food to another family in town that had lost one of their sons.  It wasn’t a lot, but it was something. Katniss would put the baskets together with bread, some meats and a few cookies or sweets and Mr. Mellark had started the difficult task of taking enough food to get the family through the first hard days soon after the telegrams started arriving. For a while, it seemed like their town would escape the worst, but as the war carried on and the battles became more frequent so did the telegrams notifying families a father, son, brother or husband would not be returning to their small town.    

 

Katniss glanced at the window, the three blue stars staring back. She hoped all three stayed blue, especially the bottom one that signified the baker’s youngest son, Peeta. She was lost in her thoughts, mindlessly moving items from one tray to another in the case when she heard the jingle of the bell on top of the door.

 

“I’ll be with you in a moment,”  She yelled from under the case. 

 

“Take your time, no rush,”  the voice responded.

 

Katniss stopped moving and slowly stood up.  She knew that voice, it was a voice that she dreamt of, a voice that she wanted to hear again for years, a voice that had been on a faraway battlefield that she did not even know the name. Now the owner of that voice was standing there, in front of her. 

 

“Peeta,” she whispered.  For a moment she thought it was her mind playing tricks on her, making her see things that weren’t real. But even as she looked away for a second, then back he remained.  

 

They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, his hair was too short but his shoulders seemed broader. Peeta finally broke the silence, “Hi, Katniss.”

 

Katniss felt her heart racing, finally, her feet decided to move and she rushed over to him nearly knocking him over with a powerful hug. When they found their footing she realized he was using a crutch to help hold up his body. She pulled back and looked at him again, but didn’t let go of his arms. 

 

“We had no idea you were coming home. What happened?” She asked, looking down at this leg. 

 

“A mortar went off too close to me. The shrapnel is still in my thigh but they were able to save my leg at least. It’s hard to walk still, they said I may always have a limp. I guess the letter I wrote to him letting him know I was on the way will get here soon. I was able to catch a ride on a plane that was being moved, that cut my travel time down.” He relayed to her. “Where’s dad?” 

 

Katniss felt her stomach drop, of course, he still thought of her as only a friend and here she was throwing herself at him. Her daydreams were of him coming home and holding her, telling her how much he loved her and that he would never leave again. His words brought her back to reality.

 

He’s delivering food to the Mitchell’s, they got a telegram today.” 

 

Peeta’s face dropped, he knew what that meant. “Which one?”    
  


“The youngest, he joined last year after graduating.” She replied.

 

Peeta nodded and looked around. “Do you think we could talk for a moment? There’s something I want to tell you.” 

 

Katniss looked at him and nodded. She led him to the back and pulled a stool so he could sit and stood next to him. 

 

She noticed Peeta was wiping his hands on his pants and cleared his throat before talking. “I’m not sure how to say this, but I made a promise that if I got out of there and had the chance I would tell you the truth.” 

 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He handed it to her, when she opened it she saw a drawing of herself. She looked beautiful, more beautiful than she ever thought possible. 

 

“What’s this?” She asked, still in awe of the drawing. 

 

“I didn’t have a real picture of you, so I drew one. I carried it with me everywhere. Parris Island, to San Diego and along the islands as we fought. I had to redo it a few times, and a few of the guys made fun of me for having a drawing instead of the real thing. I promised one of them, that I would tell you when I got home.” Peeta took a deep breath and grabbed her hand. “Katniss, I love you. I always have. I understand if you don’t feel the same, especially now that I came home injured and will deal with it for the rest of my life…”

  
Katniss cut him off, “Stop, Peeta.” His eyes went wide, she needed to be quick. “I think I love you too. It’s been so hard since you’ve been gone. At least I had updates from your dad, which made it a bit easier. As for your injuries, those don’t bother me, the only thing I needed to return is this.” She put her hand over his heart, then leaned forward and kissed him for the first time. 

  
  



	2. We'll Meet Again

We'll meet again

Don't know where 

Don't know when

But I know we'll meet again some sunny day

Keep smiling through 

Just like you always do

'Til the blue skies 

Drive the dark clouds far away

So will you please say hello 

To the folks that I know

Tell them it won't be long

They'll be happy to know 

That as you saw me go

I was singin' this song

We'll meet again

 

Katniss smiled as she saw Peeta in the back room of the bakery. She rushed to him and wrapped her arms around him, but noticed he didn’t fully hug her back. Stepping back she saw deep purple bags under his tired eyes. Instinctually she lifted her hand to touch his face as Peeta flinched backward forcing her to pull her hand back in shock. He didn’t even want her to touch him. 

 

“What’s going on?” She begged. 

 

“Nothing, I’m just tired.” he shot back. 

 

“Why don’t you go home and get some rest? We can handle things here.” Katniss responded. 

 

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Keeping me at home resting. I’m fine. I just want to get working on the bread.” He turned away from her and went back to kneading the dough. 

 

Katniss stood frozen in place for a moment hoping he’d turn around and apologize. She knew what it was like to be tired and upset but she didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end, not if he really loved her like he said he did. 

 

After it was apparent he wouldn’t even turn around she walked out of the backroom to the front. Mr. Mellark was moving some items around when she leaned against the counter. He didn’t even turn around before speaking. “He’ll get better, it just takes time. Be there for him, he’ll see it eventually.” 

 

She sighed, “I just don’t know what I did.”

 

Mr. Mellark moved towards her, “You didn’t do anything. Being in a war changes things and there are demons who follow you from the battlefields. He needs to find a way to work through his.” 

 

“Did you bring home demons?” Katniss asked.

 

“Yes, but everyone’s is different. I was only out there for a short time and I got to see the war to the end. He had to come home even though it’s not finished. I’m sure he feels like he abandoned his unit.” 

 

“He got hurt, he didn’t desert them.” Katniss fired back. 

 

Mr. Mellark nodded, “That’s the rational answer, but not one he can see right now. He will, it will just take time.” 

 

Katniss squared her shoulders as if she was going into battle herself, but this was for her future with Peeta. “I’ve waited this long, I can wait longer.” 

 

“Good, he may not say it but he needs you.” Mr. Mellark started to walk away then stopped. “Nights are the worst you know.”

 

Katniss turned to look at him, but he kept his eyes trained away from her as Mr. Mellark continued to speak. “When you are all alone in the darkness. The screams of the dying and smells of the battlefield they all come back when you are the most vulnerable. I found him sleeping on the floor last night. I did that too. I don’t know what he hears or sees, but it may get worse before it gets better.” 

 

Katniss swallowed hard, trying not to cry as she watched Mr. Mellark walk into the backroom. She knew he had fought in World War I, or the Great War as it was often referred to before all this started, but he never talked about it. Hearing him now caused her to shiver, how do they live with that pain forever? 

 

As the day went on Katniss walked a tightrope of staying away from Peeta, while keeping an eye on him. She caught glimpses of him in the backroom. Sometimes he seemed to be concentrating on something he was doing, other times he was staring into nothing. She also caught him with his head in his hands more than once. He seemed to be warring with himself. Katniss wanted to go to him, but remembered with Mr. Mellark had said. He needed some space but it was hard for her since she’d always been a fixer. 

 

The bell over the door signaled a new visitor, Katniss recognized him immediately.  Darius Williams had joined gone to Annapolis right after high school, he walked in with an officers uniform, red hair and a smile. 

 

“Hi Katniss, how are you doing this fine afternoon?” He said breaking out a bigger smile. 

 

“I’m doing well, how about you?” Katniss replied. 

 

“I’m doing well, thank you.” He looked at the case for a moment, “It’s been a while since I’ve been here. What do you suggest?” 

 

“What is the occasion? 

 

“I’m shipping out again, my mother wanted to have a nice dinner tonight.” He answered as if it wasn’t a big deal. 

 

“Well, I would choose one of the heavier loaves of bread then, something that has its own flavor,” Katniss suggested. 

 

“Perfect, I will take that one.” Darius pointed to one that had nuts in it. As Katniss was preparing it Darius leaned on the counter, “I was hoping this time around I could write you. I, well, I’ve had a bit of a crush on you and I wasn’t home long enough to stop in here before now. What do you think Katniss?” 

 

Katniss stared at him, how was it possible to have two similar conversations in a week? The main difference was her feelings for the man saying it. She felt nothing for Darius, where she would move heaven and hell to help Peeta. Darius seemed to become more uncomfortable with the short pause. 

 

Katniss lowered her voice as she spoke. “I’m flattered, but I am already seeing someone.” 

 

“Darius straightened up, “Oh, I see. May I ask whom?” 

 

“Peeta. He just got home, we are going to give it a try.” Katniss smiled as she spoke of their relationship, it may have a bit of a bumpy start but she was still glad they were trying. 

 

“Well, I guess I’m too late. Best of luck Katniss.” Darius said as he left some money on the counter and took his bread.

 

Katniss opened the register when she heard a sound behind her. She turned to see Peeta standing in the doorway. “You should have told him yes.” 

 

“What?” Katniss asked in surprise. 

 

“Darius, he’s an officer in the Navy. They are much better off than us stupid grunts. They just dropped us off and rushed back away while we stayed and fought. They didn’t have to see what we saw.”

 

Katniss could hear venom in his voice, she’d never heard Peeta talk that way. “I don’t want him. I love you Peeta.” 

 

Peeta couldn’t look into her eyes, he knew he had to say it but he didn’t want to see her pain. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I never should have told you I loved you, being with me is just going to be a burden. If you hurry you can still catch him.” 

 

Katniss rushed over to him and tried to grab his hand before he pulled it away. “What are you saying Peeta?” 

 

Peeta scrubbed his hands over his face, “I don’t think this is going to work. You’re better off without me. I’m going home.” Peeta stoped for a moment and sighed, “I’m so tired Katniss.” He didn’t wait for a response he moved past her and left Katniss behind in shock as she watched him walk away. As she stood in the bakery alone she feared she already lost the only man she could ever loved. She was losing her boy with the bread. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I chose for this chapter is We'll Meet Again. Although Katniss and Peeta are physically close they are miles apart emotionally and Peeta has dark clouds that need to move on. 
> 
> Those returning from combat in WWI and WWII were largely on their own to deal with the horrors they'd seen. After WWI it was referred to as being Shell Shocked. In World War II it was called “battle fatigue,” “combat fatigue” and “combat stress reaction" all these terms reflected the belief that the conditions were related to long deployments. Up to half of military discharges during the war may have been related to combat exhaustion, according to the National Center for PTSD.
> 
> https://www.history.com/topics/inventions/history-of-ptsd-and-shell-shock
> 
> They next chapter will have much more on what happened to Peeta during his time in battle. All warnings will be in full force.


	3. I Remember You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss decides she's had enough and goes to Peeta who's hidden away from the world. Will it be enough?

 

I remember you,  
You're the one who made  
My dreams come true  
A few kisses ago.

I remember you,  
You're the one who said  
"I love you, too, " I do.  
Didn't you know?

 

Peeta laid in his bed staring at the ceiling. He’d been on the floor but the pain he felt in his leg made him think he should try the bed again. Even though he had his blinds and curtains drawn he knew it was daytime from the amount of light that found a way through. Light that mocked his attempts to keep the outside world away. When he got home from the bakery on the day he pushed Katniss away he locked himself into his room. His memories of what he had done while fighting were too strong to hide away any longer. The nights were worse than the day, the nights were when the ghosts of the past found their way through the locked doors and closed curtains to haunt him. He could hear the sounds of men dying, see mangled bodies and men face down in the surf who never made it past the beach. See the Japs he killed, some who were so close he could see the determination in their eyes. Did he have that same look, or did they see fear? Now he had to add the look on Katniss’ face when he told her to move on to his list wrongdoings.

 

He told himself it was better this way, she didn’t need to be held back by him, what did he really have to offer her anyway? He couldn’t sleep more than an hour without waking up from a nightmare, some from the war and others about losing her. He would always have a limp from the damage caused by the mortar round that went off near him as they tried to clear the Red Beach during the Battle of Tarawa. Peeta looked at the small book he had removed from his pack when he got home. His first plan was to give it to Katniss when he returned home so she could read the letters he wrote to her, which were housed in the book. Now he doubted she would ever see them, even if he could fix things with her he didn’t know if he wanted her to read what he went through. The book itself had made it through the Battle of Guadalcanal and stayed with him as they rested in New Zealand to recover from the diseases they had contracted. Most of the men had malaria, which wasn’t a surprise considering the mosquitos on the islands were everywhere. They were evil too, rivaling even the worst summer nights growing up.

 

The knock at the door made him jump, he hadn’t heard his father’s footsteps, but he couldn’t fathom anyone else coming to see him. “Go away dad,” he yelled with a scratchy throat.

 

The door opened and he saw Katniss standing before him. “I can’t.”

 

“You should leave Katniss, I don’t want any visitors.” Peeta pushed back.

 

“No.” She stood firm as she walked further into his room. He noticed how she reacted to his room, her hand quickly went to her nose and she pulled it back down as her eyes adjusted to the limited light. “I tried to give you space, but now I need you to let me help you.”

 

“Why would you want to do that?”

 

“Because I waited for you to come home and now that you’re here I’m going to fight for you even if you can’t anymore. Because I love you. And because you would do the same thing for me.” Katniss sat on the edge of his bed and set a letter next to him. “I’m going to run a bath for you. While I’m doing that all I ask is you read this.”

 

“What is it?” Peeta asked.

 

“The letter I wrote to you when I found out you left without saying goodbye. I thought about sending it to you several times, but worried you didn’t feel the same or worse, you did and I would never know because you wouldn’t be able to answer. Instead, I stuffed it in my hope chest and tried to keep the faith that one day you would come back to me.” She put her hand on his arm for a moment, for the first time in a long time Peeta felt comfort. Too quickly she pulled it back away and went to the bathroom to draw his bath.

 

Peeta pulled the letter from the envelope and looked it over. A part of this brain questioned if it was really from when she said, or if it was all an elaborate ruse to screw with his head. He quieted those voices, knowing deep down Katniss wasn’t like that, and read the letter.

 

_Dear Peeta,_

 

_I don’t know why you left without saying goodbye, but I wish you had. There are so many things I wanted to say to you and I fear I will never get that chance. Maybe it will be better this way. Maybe I’ll be able to live in the dream that you come home to me and I can tell you I love you. I don’t know when it started, but I know I’ve paid more attention to you than I should have and there were times when I thought you may have felt the same._

 

_I hope you feel the same._

 

_I want you to do your best wherever they may send you. Most importantly I want you to come home, even if it’s not back to me._

 

_Take care of yourself, and know we are all here praying for your return._

 

_Love Always,_

_Katniss._

 

Peeta folded the letter and put it back. There were many nights when he sat in a muddy hole dreaming of coming home and knowing she’d been waiting for him. Now he had it and couldn’t think of anything besides that he wasn’t good enough for her.  Not after everything he’d done.

 

Katniss re-emerged from the bathroom. “Come on, you have to get cleaned up.” She held out her hand and helped Peeta from his bed. The first few steps were hard for him, his leg felt stiff, but she wrapped her arm around his waist and helped him get his footing as they walked to the bath.

 

Peeta stood in the middle of the room. Katniss had filled the tub and set soap and a towel nearby. “You have to take off your clothes to get into the tub.” She stated.

 

“Why, so you can see all the scars?” Peeta felt guilty the moment he said the words, but he was too wounded to stop it. Katniss seemed taken back, but rebounded quickly. “I told you I don’t care about your injuries. If it was a big deal I wouldn’t be here right now helping you. I thought reading the letter would have proven that to you.”

 

“It’s not just my leg Katniss, I have burns on my back.” Peeta stopped and took a deep breath. “And I did things out there that changed me.”

 

“I don't know what you did, but I know it was so you could come home. It’s not going to be easy. Your dad told me he found you sleeping on the floor. Did you know he did it too?”

 

Peeta shook his head, he knew his father had been in the First World War, but they never talked about it. His oldest brother was born right before his father left, he couldn’t imagine his mother would have been happy with her husband sleeping on the floor.

 

Katniss continued. “Please let me help you.”

 

Peeta relented and started to lift his shirt over his head. Katniss saw the scars for the first time. They weren’t as bad as she thought they would be, looked like flames licked along his side.

 

“Those too,” she pointed to his pants.

 

Peeta’s hands moved to his waistband and froze. “Are you sure about this?”

 

“It will be too hard for you to balance with your injuries right now. I don’t care if I see you. I’ll help you and not look if it makes you feel better.”

 

“I’m not worried about you seeing me, it’s just we aren’t...well...I don’t know what we are.” Peeta replied.

 

Katniss smiled. “I would marry you tomorrow if you asked.”

 

Peeta felt his lips rise in a smile of his own, the first one in days. It almost felt foreign for his muscles to move that way. Katniss turned around as he dropped his pants and she helped him settle into the tub. He couldn't be sure but her rosy cheeks gave her away made him think she snuck a peak. He wanted to say something snarky, but it didn’t seem like the right time.

 

“I’m going to put some lunch together. You clean up and I’ll be back to help you out.” She turned and quickly left the room.

 

Peeta let the warm water wash over his tense muscles, he used the soap Katniss had set out and cleaned up as he heard her moving things around in his room then in the kitchen. He heard her singing as she cooked. I knew the song, she must have just heard it on the radio.

 

She returned with clean clothes and helped him get out of the tub. After he put pants back on she stopped him from putting on his shirt. “Wait. Prim gave me some lotion she made. Your dad told me you had burns, she said it would help with the scars.” Katniss didn’t wait for an answer before she started rubbing the lotion on his back. He couldn’t figure out if it was the lotion of the feel of her hands that felt good against the rough patches.

 

They made their way back to his room where Katniss had changed his sheets. She helped him sit in his bed and handed him a tray with soup and a roll. “I know you haven’t been eating much. I thought some soup would be easier for you.”

 

Peeta nodded and ate, then he realized she didn’t have anything. “What about you?”

“I ate before I came over.” She replied.

 

“I wrote to you too.” Peeta blurted out. “I just don’t know if I want you to know what happened over there.”

 

“You can tell me what you want when you want. I’m not going to lie and tell you I’m not interested in knowing what you went through but I won’t pry. It has to be on your terms.”

 

“It changed me, I know it did. I’m not who I used to be.”

 

“You did what you had to, I know you deep down you’re the same boy who brought me food when I was starving. And the same man who told his dad to use his money to pay for my salary so I didn’t have to work in a factory.”

 

“You knew about that?” Peeta asked.

 

“He told me about it today.  I know you are still that person.”

 

“I feel like I don’t know who that person is anymore.”

 

“You're a painter. You did the mural at school. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces.”

 

Peeta’s eyebrows shot up, “how did you know about the windows?”

 

Katniss turned pink and she let out a breath. “I used to see you close them when I was going to hunt in the mornings.”

 

Katniss took away the tray. “You should try to actually sleep.”

 

“I can’t. I see it over and over.”

 

Katniss turned to look at him, she sat on edge of his bed as he continued. “We thought all the bombings would have killed most of them. We were wrong. Our landing crafts couldn’t get close enough, we had to wade through which just made it easier for them to pick us off. Getting to the beach didn’t mean you were safe. A lot of men went down. More than I remembered seeing fall the whole time we were in Guadalcanal. I don’t know how, but I made it through the first day. The next morning they had machine guns hitting us from damaged landing craft. They must have swum out there.

 

“We were clearing an area when I got hit. We were near a pillbox and something came out of it. I don’t remember much besides the pain. Next thing I knew another blast was going off, this time it was in the box. A medic was helping me a few minutes later I was being carried back to the beach and eventually ended up on the ship again. When I got back to Pearl Harbor they told me I was done, the damage was too great to send me back.”

 

Peeta had left out the horror of it all. The Japanese were brutal and he saw his own comrades turning into something he didn’t recognize. He just hoped he had changed as much as he thought.

 

“Thank you,” Katniss whispered.

 

Peeta knew why she was thanking him. He opened up, not a lot but enough. He put his hand over hers. “Will you stay?”

 

She stood up, for a moment he panicked thinking she was leaving but her next move was to unbutton her dress.

 

“What are you doing?” Peeta breathed out.

 

“I can’t sleep in that dress, besides it has flour all in the fabric and I just put clean sheets on your bed.” She placed it on the end of the bed, lifted the sheet and laid next to him. Her arm draped over his middle, almost as if she was protecting him.

 

Peeta took a few deep breaths and let himself fall asleep.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep but for the first time since he left Tarawa, he didn’t wake from a nightmare. He did dream, however, there was a girl and a boy playing in the meadow outside of town. Katniss stood beside him watching as they blew dandelion seeds into the air. He looked to his side and found her still next to him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Battle of Tarawa was a battle in the Pacific Theater of World War II that was fought on 20–23 November 1943. It took place at the Tarawa Atoll in the Gilbert Islands. Nearly 6,400 Japanese, Koreans, and Americans died in the fighting, mostly on and around the small island of Betio.
> 
> The Battle of Tarawa was the first American offensive in the critical central Pacific region. It was also the first time in the Pacific War that the United States had faced serious Japanese opposition to an amphibious landing. Previous landings met little or no initial resistance, but on Tarawa the 4,500 Japanese defenders were well-supplied and well-prepared, and they fought almost to the last man. U.S. Divisions suffered similar casualties in previous campaigns, such as over the six months of the Guadalcanal Campaign, but the losses on Tarawa were incurred within 76 hours.  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Tarawa
> 
> With the Marines at Tarawa was released after President Roosevelt approved it. The movie was the first time Americans saw dead servicemen on the screen. The film won a 1944 Oscar for Best Documentary Short Subject. 
> 
> Since the pictures were far too graphic to meet the standards of Hollywood producers and distributors, only the President could grant permission for its release to the general public. President Roosevelt consulted the only man who was present at the Battle of Tarawa that he personally knew and trusted, Time-Life photographer Robert Sherrod. Quoting Sherrod, "I tell the President the truth. Our soldiers on the front want people back home to know that they don't knock the hell out of them every day of every battle. They want people to understand that war is a horrible, nasty business, and to say otherwise is to do a disservice to those who died." Based on Sherrod's prompting, FDR agreed to release the film, uncensored.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/With_the_Marines_at_Tarawa
> 
> The video can be found here.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JolhiCbU_u8
> 
> The song is I Remember you, it was recorded several times-- like many of the songs in this era. Although this version was later I love it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7LHDEcNc_E


	4. Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A secret Peeta had been hiding comes out and Katniss must decide how she feels about his past actions.

Don't give out with those lips of yours to anyone else but me

Anyone else but me, anyone else but me

No! No! No!

Watch the girls on the foreign shores, you'll have to report to me

When you come marchin' home

 

Don't hold anyone on your knee, you better be true to me

You better be true to me, you better be true to me

Don't hold anyone on your knee, you're gettin' the third degree

When you come marchin' home

 

Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me

I know the apple tree is reserved for you and me

And I'll be true till you come marchin' home

Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree - Glenn Miller Band

Peeta snuck up on Katniss and grabbed her around the waist. Her yelp made him laugh, and the way she swatted him with the rag she’d been using to clean made him laugh harder. She tried to scowl at him, but she loved that sound. It was a sound she just started to hear again and she didn’t want it to go away again. It had been nearly two months since Peeta came home from the war injured. They worked through flashbacks, and rough nights, and the guilt he had about being allowed to be happy with so many still in harm's way, but they did it together. Since the day Katniss showed up at his home he knew he had an ally and he did his best to not push her away again. There were times that he felt the need for space, and she gave it until she decided it was enough and he always let her in.

 

“Dad said we can have the rest of the day off, let’s have a picnic,” Peeta said.

 

Katniss smiled, “That sounds great.”

 

They gathered some food and placed it in a small basket before walking hand in hand to the meadow. They found a spot under an apple tree and set up a blanket to enjoy their time together. Katniss noticed a couple walking towards them, she recognized Annie and Finnick as they got closer. Peeta saw them too and got up to greet them.

 

“They finally let you out of there?” Peeta asked while shaking Finnick’s hand.

 

“I think I gave them a hard enough time and they decided I was better off as her problem than theirs,” Finnick answered while pointing to Annie.

 

Peeta tone turned serious. “Are you going back?”

 

“No, nerve damage in my arm. I can’t do what they need so I’m done. What about you?” Finnick asked.

 

“Shrapnel that they can’t remove.” Peeta sighed. “It’s nice to know someone else is home.”

 

“It is. We should catch up sometime soon.” Finnick said before excusing himself and Annie.

 

Katniss helped Peeta back to the blanket, the heat of the day was making his leg swell and she could see it was getting harder for him. When they were situated she thought back on the conversation she just witnessed.

 

“I’m confused. You didn’t like Darius because he was Navy, but I thought Finnick was Navy too.” Katniss asked.

 

“Finnick was a SeeBee, those men are different. They went onto the islands with us and built airstrips and bases while we were still trying to get control. I don’t know if I’d be alive if it weren’t for them on Guadalcanal. The Japanese bombed the airstrips as soon as they repaired them, The SeeBees just kept doing it over and over so we could get supplies. I don’t know if it's fair for me to be as mad at the others as I am.

 

“William Jackson was my best friend from boot camp, he’s the one that made me promise to tell you how I felt. Bill was next to me when the explosion went off. He was hit too, but his injuries were much worse and he died on the ship so they buried him at sea. I was so angry, even though I know it was what they had to do. They didn’t have the means to take care of the bodies of those who died on our way back. I tried to get his belongings, but they wouldn’t let me have them and I got so frustrated because I knew I had to tell the woman he’d been seeing in New Zealand what happened. I ended up having to write to her friend so she knew.”

 

Katniss mouth dropped open as the gravity of his last sentence hit her. Peeta also realized what he said too late and his eyes widened.

 

“How did you have her friends address? Were you seeing her friend?” Katniss’ voice was shaking as she asked.

 

Peeta reached for her hand, but Katniss pulled it away. “No, it’s not like that. Well not entirely like that.”

 

“Then what is it like? Because from what I can see you don’t like me speaking to another man but you were with another woman while you were away.” Katniss breath was ragged as she spoke and she felt as if she was going to be sick.

 

“Please let me explain,” Peeta begged.

 

Katniss squared her shoulders and looked right in his eyes. “Alright, explain.”

 

Peeta sucked in a breath, “Guadalcanal was hell on earth, at least I thought it was until Tarawa. We fought for weeks to control the island, every time we thought it was close to an end another attack would prove us wrong. It wasn’t just the Japs we were fighting, there were mosquitoes that would make you sick. It was hard trying to stay alive when you were so sick you wanted to die. Eventually, we took the island and our unit was sent to New Zealand to rest and train for the next mission.

 

“After we arrived we all took time to get better but soon enough we started going out on the town. There was no shortage of women who were interested in the US Marines who were now all over. One night when we were out Jackson met Claudine. He asked me to stick around and talk to her friend so they wouldn’t leave. He saved my ass a few times so I did what he asked and started a conversation with her friend Barbara. She was nice and we spent time together being their third wheels.”

 

“Were you sweet on her?” Katniss asked.

 

“No.” Peeta forcefully replied, then his voice took on a softer, guilt-ridden tone. “The last night we were there Jackson and Claudine disappeared. I know a lot of the guys were having relations with the women there, I saw enough of the fights between our men and the locals to know what was happening. A lot of them hadn’t been with a woman that way and suddenly it was a real possibility they wouldn’t make it through all this. Barabar and I were left alone, she leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed her back then I immediately felt like I was doing something wrong and I stopped it before anything else happened.

 

“She gave me her address, I think she was hoping I’d come back someday that maybe there was a chance I liked her. I didn’t know how to tell her then there would never be a chance for her so I just let her believe. I honestly didn’t think I’d survive the war at that point, and if I did I hoped you would still be here and you’d give me a chance. I didn’t see any point in hurting her so I took her address and shoved it in my pack. The only time I wrote to her was to tell her about Jackson.”

 

“Do you think she’s still waiting for you?” Katniss asked.

 

“No, I told her I was going to see if the woman I had a crush on since...forever would give me a chance. I apologized to her too. She wrote me back and told me she understood. She also let me know Jackson’s girlfriend was pregnant.”

 

Katniss stared at him if he’d done something that night he could have a child in some far away country too. “What did she think you could do?”

“I don’t know. I guess she thought I could get word to his family. I ended up sending his parents a letter with her address.  I have no idea what will happen, I guess I wanted them to know. I don’t know if it was right though.” Peeta replied, then he looked deep into Katniss’ eyes. “Please, I know I let myself get caught up, but nothing real happened.”

 

She stared back and saw honesty in his words but she was still hurt. “You should have told me about her. It’s been months, I should have known there was someone else waiting for you.”

 

“But she wasn’t, not by the time I got home. I got the letter from her just as I was leaving Pearl Harbor to come home. I may still have it if you want proof.” His shoulders deflated.  “I just didn’t know how to bring it up.”

 

Katniss nodded, she supposed he was right. It was not something that would come up in normal conversation and he was still very tight-lipped about his time overseas. Finally, she spoke. “You swear you only kissed her. I need to know the truth. I don’t want some kid to show up one day saying you are his father.”

 

“Katniss, I swear. I let the kiss happen, but nothing else. I walked her home and went back to our barracks, the next morning we loaded up and left.” He tentatively reached for her hand, this time she allowed it. “I only want it to be us from now on and I’ll prove it.”

 

He stood from the ground and helped her up. “Where are we going?”

 

“Home. It’s time you see the letters I wrote to you. I should’ve done this long ago and now I see that hiding it may keep us from truly being together.  I’ll warn you, it’s not going to be easy but I think it’s time I open up fully to you.” He picked up the basket and reclaimed her hand as they walked in silence to Peeta’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree. It was made famous by The Andrew Sisters during the war, but the Glenn Miller Band version had a part that I felt fit this chapter perfectly.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Qx4Y_hUuE
> 
> On August 7, 1942, Allied forces, predominantly United States Marines, landed on Guadalcanal, in the southern Solomon Islands. This was important to stop the Japanese threat to Allied supply and communication routes between the United States, Australia, and New Zealand. 
> 
> The Japanese had occupied those islands since May 1942, were outnumbered and overwhelmed by the Allies. The allies captured and finished a Japanese airstrip – later named Henderson Field – that was under construction on Guadalcanal. The Navy SeeBees would be instrumental in completing this field, over and over again due to Japanese attempts to retake the field between August and November. 
> 
>  
> 
> The full Guadalcanal campaign consisted of three major land battles, seven large naval battles (five nighttime surface actions and two carrier battles), and almost daily aerial battles culminated in the decisive Naval Battle of Guadalcanal in early November. In December, the Japanese abandoned their efforts to retake Guadalcanal, and evacuated the island.   
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guadalcanal_Campaign
> 
> I gave Finnick a very big and important job, not only in history but personally. My grandfather fought in the Pacific Campaign with the SeeBees. He was wounded in Iwo Jima as they tried to build the airstrip on that island. We were always told by him that they went in after the islands were secured, however, I learned that was false when I started studying World War II in college and read about the SeeBees. I called him out, and he smiled and nodded- as he was unable to speak due to a stroke. Someone had finally figured it out. 
> 
> Seabees in the Pacific Theater of Operations earned the gratitude of all who served with them or followed in their wake. Their deeds were unparalleled in the history of wartime construction. With 80 percent of the Naval Construction Force concentrated in the Pacific, they literally built the road to victory over Japan: 111 major airstrips, 441 piers, 2,558 ammunition magazines, 700 square blocks of warehouses, hospitals to serve 70,000 patients, fuel tanks for 100 million gallons, and housing for 1.5 million men. In construction and fighting operations, the Seabees served on over 300 islands and four continents. 
> 
> They served with several Marine units and worked under fire to do what they needed. These men lived by the motto “CAN DO.” 
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seabees_in_World_War_II#The_Pacific_theater


	5. I'll Be Seeing You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to do the mentioned option 3 from my Tumblr survey. I added a bit more background and have two letters in this chapter, these are the lead up to Peeta going into battle. The last two letters will be in the next one and will include the battles and aftermath.

I'll be seeing you

In all the old familiar places

That this heart of mine embraces

All day and through

 

In that small cafe

The park across the way

The children's carousel

The chestnut trees, the wishing well

 

I'll be seeing you

In every lovely summer's day

In everything that's light and gay

I'll always think of you that way

 

I'll find you in the morning sun

And when the night is new

I'll be looking at the moon

But I'll be seeing you

 

I'll be seeing you

In every lovely summer's day

In everything that's light and gay

I'll always think of you that way

 

I'll find you in the morning sun

And when the night is new

I'll be looking at the moon

But I'll be seeing you

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l44_n60QQ8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l44_n60QQ8)

  
  


Peeta left Katniss in the family room as he went to his room to retrieve the letters he’d written her. They were on the top of a stack of letters he’d received from his father that talked about what Katniss was doing while he was gone and some pictures he’d drawn, mainly while recuperating in Hawaii. Before he was there he couldn’t find the time to write or draw, but during his recovery he found it helped to get the images out of his mind and onto paper. Most were too bad to show anyone, and while he was ready to show Katniss the letters these may never be shown. No one should ever be allowed to see what he saw and he wanted to protect her from it. He thought of burning them but for right now they sat in a folded pile on his dresser. 

 

Katniss was looking out of the window when the sound of his heavy tread announced his return. “Here are the letters I wrote.” He said while stretching his arm toward her. 

 

She accepted the small stack of 4 letters. “I thought there would be more.” 

 

Peeta nodded, “I didn’t have a lot of time to write. Even when we were on leave in New Zealand, it was hard to find the time. I was sick at first and then we were training for the next battle. I generally wrote to dad first since I didn’t know if you would have liked the idea of me writing to you. Dad included information about you in all of his letters, so at least I had that. I wish I had spoken to you before I left, I would have written to you more often and even sent them to you.” 

 

“I think you now know I would have allowed it. I wanted it.” Katniss responded. 

 

“I know, but the ones I wrote all had a purpose. The first one was an apology and confession. The next two were goodbye letters, I didn’t know if I would make it back from battle and I guess I thought if you received them at least you would know what I was thinking. The last one was more of an apology and well, you’ll see.” Peeta sighed. “My leg’s bothering me, I’m going to lay down.” 

 

Katniss nodded, “Okay, I’m going to stay here and read these if that’s alright.” 

 

“Sure, you know where to find me if you still want to be with me after reading these.” Peeta gave her a sad smile and walked away. 

 

Katniss settled on a chair and her hands were shaking as she opened the top letter. It was from when he was in basic training, she had an image in her head of what he was doing during all the time they were apart but she was sure that image was a lot kinder than the truth. 

 

**February 1942- Parris Island, SC**

 

The final days of Bootcamp were different than the first ones. So many men from all over the country in one place with one purpose — to fight back after Pearl Harbor. Peeta never thought his upbringing would help him one day, but he was proven wrong. The 4:45 am wake-up call gave him 15 more minutes of sleep and being yelled at was nothing new to him. At least his drill instructor didn’t smack him over the back of the head as many times as his mother did. He heard some soft cries the first night they were there, and it reminded him just how different everyone in his unit was, but the goal was to make them follow orders, work together and kill the enemy. 

 

Miles of marching, obstacle courses, shooting, and firing drills were only a part of Bootcamp, they were also shown movie after movie about their enemy. A ruthless enemy whose only goal was to kill you, so it was you or them. That was how you had to think of it, they weren’t people, they were the enemy. 

It was after one of these movies that Peeta felt someone clap him on the shoulder. “How’d you like that one Mellark?” 

 

Peeta turned to see his new friend William Jackson lighting a cigarette. “It was a lot like the first one we saw, and the one after that, and the one after that,” Peeta replied as he accepted the one being offered. He didn’t smoke before coming here and he still didn’t smoke nearly as much as some of the others, but he’d taken up the habit like so many others. 

 

“Any regrets?” Jackson asked. 

 

Peeta furrowed his brow, “What do you mean?” 

 

“Well, we’re almost done with Bootcamp and soon will get orders to go somewhere and there’s a good possibility we won’t get to come home. Is there something you should have done before leaving that you didn’t?” He responded. 

 

Peeta thought about it for a moment, he’d gone back and forth about telling Katniss about the feelings he harbored for her since they were kids but every time he tried he chickened out. In the end, he reasoned it would be easier for her if she didn’t know about it in case something happened to him so he left home without telling her he was leaving. It was easier than he thought to keep it quiet considering he had only a few days between enlisting and leaving for Bootcamp. However, Jackson’s words hit him. Maybe he should find a way to tell her, he could write her a letter. 

 

He looked at his friend, “There’s one thing. Something I should’ve said to someone before I left but I feel like it’s too late now.” 

 

“Nah, it’s only too late when you’re dead. You should tell them, write a letter before we leave. At least it will be off your conscience. Unless you murdered someone, then I’d suggest a Priest.” 

 

Peeta shook his head, “You really are crazy.” 

 

“Maybe, but I’m sure that will come in handy soon.” Jackson joked as he walked away. 

 

During his break later in the day Peeta took out a piece of paper and wrote Katniss a letter. He was sure he wouldn’t send it, but maybe his dad would give it to her if something happened to him. At least he hoped it would get back home somehow. 

  


_Dear Katniss,_

 

_I finally found some time to write to you. I’m not sure if I’ll ever send this letter but I wanted to write it anyway. At first, everything was so busy that I didn’t have a lot of time to think about things. We would wake up early, which was easy for me from so many years at the bakery, and we would train all day. We did a lot of running and obstacle courses and of course, we had to learn how to use all the weapons we were going to have to fight with. All the men here feel the same as I do. We are ready to fight back, to fight for our country and die if needed. My only regret is that I should have told you how much I care about you before I left._

 

_If things had been different, I hope I would have finally gotten the courage to ask you out on a date. I only hope you would have given me a chance. Maybe one day I’ll get to see you again and perhaps you’ll give me that chance. Until then I will hope that you are waiting for me, that you felt something more than the fragile friendship we had before all this happened. Until I see you again I’ll just have to hold on to that hope._

_Yours,_

_Peeta_

 

Katniss smiled, it was similar to the letter she wrote to him when he left. If only they’d been braver, they could have confronted their feelings before he left and everything would have been different. She worried about him the same, but at least she would have known he was hers and she was his. Maybe that incident with the woman in New Zealand would’ve never happened if they’d just talked before he left. But that was in the past, she moved onto the next letter. 

  


**July 1942, Somewhere in the Pacific.**

 

Peeta was sick of being on crowded Navy ship. They were packed in like sardines, but he knew the next stop would make him crave what he now despised. They were going into a battle for an island in the Pacific that he’d never heard of until now. The Japs had taken it over and it was time to take it back. He didn’t know why they were going after this one, but that wasn’t his job. His job was to go out there and kill the enemy. 

 

Laughter echoed through the ship, it never ceased to amaze Peeta how many jokes could be uttered by the men in his company, especially when things were stressful. He’d used humor to cover his own fears in the past, but some of these men were bigger smartasses than him. He also got used to the cussing, growing up if he had uttered any of the words he said on a normal basis now he would have been hit over the head. At least his mother passed away before all this, he didn’t know how she’d react to all this. All three of the Mellark boys were somewhere fighting, although neither had any idea where the other was currently. The opted to serve separately, hopefully, that meant at least one of them would survive. It helped that Peeta didn’t feel all that close to his brothers, at times he blamed them for not standing up to their mother when she was so mean to him although now he thinks they were just trying to survive, just like him. They should be landing tomorrow and he should try to get some rest, but first, he felt the need to write to her. Once more, just in case. 

 

 

_Dear Katniss,_

 

_If you are reading this letter I didn’t make it back from the battle. We are shipping out now, we are well trained, but none of us have seen war. Our enemy, on the other hand, has been fighting for years. It will be hard, I’ve never had to think about killing anyone before and now I’m preparing for a battle where that is inevitable. I’m sure I’ll do it when the time comes, but right now it seems so foreign to me. I hope this doesn’t change me. That if I don’t come home the stories you hear make you proud of me, someone who was worthy of you. Please take care of yourself and try to help my dad. He’ll need it if something happens to any of us. Until I see you again._

 

_Love,_

_Peeta_

 

Katniss had tears in her eyes as she finished. Peeta didn’t think he was coming out of this battle. She could sense his fears through the words, it was almost as if she was sitting across from him talking about it the day before he went into that hell. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to read the next letter, she knew it had to be from when he was in New Zealand and she didn’t know if her heart could take anymore. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath hoping to get the strength she needed to continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll be Seeing You is another famous song from WWII that was sung by many artists however Billy Holiday’s version is the most famous. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l44_n60QQ8
> 
> Bootcamp was shortened from 12 weeks to 6 weeks after the bombing of Pearl Harbor but that didn’t change the goal. They needed to take men from all walks of life and make them a unit that followed orders. “A man’s ability to depend on his comrades and immediate leadership is absolutely necessary,” Sledge wrote in his book With the Old Breed. Bootcamp was getting up early and training all day to the yells of a Drill Instructor (DI). By the time you left you not only knew how to fight, but you’d learned about your enemy from movies you were shown. 
> 
> https://www.pbs.org/thewar/at_war_battle_training.htm
> 
> The Battle of Guadalcanal started August 7, 1942 and lasted until February 1943, it was during this battle that “The Fighting Sullivans” were killed on the light cruiser USS Juneau which sunk around November 13, 1942. Their deaths, as well as that of the Borgstrom brothers lead to the Sole Survivor Policy and was mentioned as the reason the Ryan boys were separated in Saving Private Ryan.  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sullivan_brothers
> 
> I have Peeta in the 2nd Marines Division. They fought in the Guadalcanal Campaign from 4 January to 8 February 1943 where the 2nd Marines, reinforced the Guadalcanal–Tulagi landings, 7 to 9 August 1942; and the capture and defense of Guadalcanal, 10 August 1942 to 31 January 1943. The 2nd and 8th Marines (reinforced by other units of the 2nd Marine Division) were awarded the Presidential Unit Citation while attached to the 1st Marine Division from 7 August and 4 November 1942, respectively, for the Guadalcanal operation.
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2nd_Marine_Division


	6. On a Coconut Island

On a coconut island

I'd like to be a castaway with you

On a coconut island

There wouldn't be so very much to do

 

I would linger a while and just gaze into your lovely eyes so blue

Then I'd walk for a mile and come running back to be with you

There the waves would make a pair of willing slaves of you and me forever

And we'd laze for days and days and never gaze out where the ships go sailing by

 

October 1943, New Zealand 

Peeta walked to the housing area for his unit. There were new men with them to replace those lost on Guadalcanal. He still remembered walking off the landing craft right onto the beach on their first operation. They took the Florida Islands to help support other landings, then they were going in to help the areas where they were needed the most. The beaches were secured at that point and it was easy to walk off the craft, but the peace wouldn’t last. 

Their first firefight came that night, the bastards couldn’t even face them in the daylight. The island was pitch black, it was hard to tell if the leaves were moving due to wind or people. Peeta’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest has they tried to decipher the motions in front of them. You didn’t want to shoot and be wrong, that would mean giving up your position and possibility of getting your whole unit killed, so they waited until they knew for sure. Their answer came as the bullet whizzed by them. They were being attacked.  

The blasts from the machine guns filled the air along with the screams of men being hit on both sides. He just shot straight at anything that moved towards them, at one point the bodies piled so high it made it hard to see others coming at them, but they kept coming. How could anyone run straight into gunfire without flinching? It was almost as though they wanted to die. During Bootcamp they learned about the Japanese and how their religion was their Emperor they would rather die than surrender and he was forced to watch that play out. 

He had no idea how many Japs he’d killed, and it was better not to think of it. They were the enemy, if he didn’t kill them they would kill him, or worse, someone in his unit. These men were closer to him now than his brothers, still, he kept a secret from them all. While many talked about the women from back home, he just smiled when asked about his own love life or lack thereof. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” was his phrase of choice. He used it so much his friends would belt it out along with him. He didn’t want them to think he was crazy to harbor feelings for someone that likely didn’t return them, not to mention that he now regretted not at least telling her before he left. Maybe things would be different if he knew, maybe he wouldn’t be so reckless, but in reality he didn’t think anyone needed him, where some of these men had wives and children waiting for them back home. All he had was a dream of a life that would likely not happen, especially if the enemy had anything to say about it.  

This war was different than what he thought it would be. Before the war, the only deaths he’d witnessed were his maternal grandpa and his mother and both of those were natural, a heart attack for one, stroke for the other. Death on Guadalcanal was completely different. It was violent and bloody. If a shelling attack happened all you could do was dig in and hope it didn’t hit you. After the counts were made, sometimes it was hard to figure out how many men were hit due to the damage. A foot could be next to the arm of another man, neither attached to a body. If you were lucky, you’d get hit just right by a bullet. Something that did its job quickly and efficiently, but leaving your body intact so they could collect your tags and tell your family. That was what happened to one of Peeta’s friends, Joe. He remembered him talking about his family, he even showed him pictures of his sister. He told Peeta he’d like her, but still, he kept his secret. Peeta helped put his body into the ground. Even though they buried as many as they could, the smell of rotting bodies seemed to fill the air no matter where you were. The heat didn’t help matters and the rain seemed to do little to wash away the stench.

Some of the men being replaced weren’t killed, they were sent to hospitals for treatment of battle fatigue. Every now and then a man would just stare off into space, sometimes all it took was a yell in their direction, other times a slap across the face would work, but the worst were sent off. It was too dangerous for the other men for someone that out of it to stay on the island. If they went crazy they could do something stupid and give up a location, so they were put next to the other wounded Marines. A few made their way back and were training for the next battle like what was left of Peeta’s unit. 

After leaving Guadalcanal they were sent to New Zealand. During the final days Peeta got sick, he was told it was something he got from a mosquito. He couldn’t believe that he survived the battles, and something so small was what actually took him out. There were times he thought it would have been better to die by a bullet than deal with feeling so sick. He would shake so badly at night he felt as though his skin would peel off. Although they had pills to keep the illness away, Peeta spit them out. Most of them did, being sick for a few weeks was better than not having kids. That was if he got a chance to go home. 

Of course, the only woman he wanted to be with was Katniss, he knew that now. After he got better he spent time with Jackson out on the town. The people of New Zealand had been wonderful to their American invaders, part of the reason was the American’s brought money, but being here has made many of the men lighter at least for now. The stress of battle was gone and they knew how short life truly was. Eventually, they would have to leave again, but for now, they could enjoy peace- that was unless a local group of men decided to pick a fight with the American men over the woman someone was with that night. A small bar brawl was nothing for these men now. 

Peeta had danced with a few of the local women, but nothing more. That was until Jackson met Claudine, he was head over heels for her and Peeta was happy for his friend so he played his role with her friend, Barbara, so they could get time together. Everything was fine until Barbara started dropping hints. Peeta tried to ignore them, but that night she pushed further and in a moment of weakness he gave in and kissed her. It wasn’t a short kiss, but a deep, passionate one. One that could lead to more. His head was filled with dueling thoughts. He would be leaving soon and who knew what was in store for him on the next island. So many men died already, what if he was next. He fantasized about being with Katniss all the time, but he had no idea if it was even a possibility. Shouldn’t he get the chance to be with a woman? On the other hand, she wasn’t Katniss. How would Katniss respond if she found out he’d been with someone else?

He had his answer. He pushed Barbara away. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” 

She scoffed. “What’s her name?”

“What? Peeta was dumbfounded. 

“The woman who has your heart back home.” She responded.

“Katniss.” He answered. 

“Well, she’s very lucky. I hope she knows that.” Barbara stated as she started to walk away. 

“Do you want me to walk you?” Peeta asked. 

“Always the gentleman, huh Peeta? If it will make you feel better you can.” She said still walking. 

Peeta caught up and walked her to her home. A few minutes later he was on his way back to his camp trying to decide what to do. In the end, he felt telling Katniss was the best. Like all the other letters he’d tucked away he didn’t know if he would give it to her, but if it ever came up maybe this letter could help him.

_ Dear Katniss,  _

_ We’ve been in New Zealand for a time now to rest after the last battle. There were so many times I didn’t think I would ever get off that island. The battle was horrible, the stench of death and artillery fire seems to be embedded in my nose. I am not sure how many times I cheated death but I feel like I was out running one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. By the time we left, I was tired and weak from illness. We were fighting bugs as much as we were the Japanese. It took weeks for me to feel better enough to rejoin my unit for training for the next battle. I know what we are doing is right, but I’m not sure we are doing it the right way. Our enemy is brutal, and it seems we must become the same to have a chance at victory. I fear what future battles may hold for me, that is if I’m lucky enough to survive.  _

_ Many of the men have taken up with women here. I’ve been in more than one fight trying to help a buddy of mine who hit on the wrong woman. I guess a small bar fight is the least I can do for some of these men if it weren’t for them I may already be dead. One of those men is my good friend William Jackson. He asked me to go on a double date with him so he could go out with a woman he’d met. I agreed because he did so much for me on Guadalcanal. It is something I now fear I may regret. We went out several times, I enjoyed her company but tonight we kissed, she wanted more but I stopped it. Everything was wrong, I just hope this mistake doesn’t doom any chance I may have had with you, that is if I even had a chance in the first place.  _

_ Soon we will leave again. Another battle in our war will be underway. I don’t know much about it and even if I did I shouldn’t write about it, although I’m sure this letter will sit with the others in my bag, it’s better to be safe than sorry.  _

_ Katniss, I am so sorry for what I’ve done for what I’ve allowed myself to become. It’s hard facing your mortality. The worst part is thinking about it later after the guns and bombs stop and you’re left with silence. Sometimes I dream of you, and it gives me hope again, at least when those dreams are good. Maybe I’ll get lucky enough to see you again in person. Until then I’ll try harder to be the man you deserve.   _

_ Always,  _

_ Peeta _

 

 

Katniss shook as she read the letter. She had no idea how bad things had been for Peeta on Guadalcanal. He’d mentioned the battle where he was injured and where his friend was killed, but he never talked about the first one. How horrible it must have been for all the men, and although she was still angry she understood a bit. How would she react if she was in the same situation? There was one letter left, one he’d written after he got back to Pearl Harbor. She opened it, but before she could start she heard Peeta yell. She raced up the stairs to see Peeta trapped in a nightmare. Thinking back to her own father and her mother’s warnings of how to wake him she stayed at the foot of his bed. 

“Peeta.” She called out to him, but he didn’t seem to help. He continued to move his body awkwardly like he was searching for something. She reached out and shook his leg saying his name louder. Suddenly his eyes flew open, but it seemed to take a minute for him to realize where he was. “It’s alright, you’re home. You’re safe.” 

He relaxed at her words. “Katniss?” his voice was scratchy as he looked around. 

“You were having a nightmare.” She stated. 

“You were there.” She gave him a confused look. “In my dream, you were in the battle. You were calling for me but I couldn’t get to you.” 

“It may have been because I was trying to wake you.” She thought aloud. 

“I don’t know.” Peeta put his head back on his pillow as he took deep breaths trying to calm his heart. She sat next to him and pushed some of his hair from his face. 

“Did you read the letters?” he asked. 

“I was just starting the last one when I heard you call out.” 

“If you want, I can just tell you. Maybe it will help me as well, that is if you still want to hear.” 

Katniss nodded and climbed over him so she could lay next to him. He turned to face her and told her about the end of his war. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this is on A Coconut Island by Louis Armstrong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCIAVcaPCaI
> 
>  
> 
> After Guadalcanal, the 2nd Marines were sent to New Zealand to recuperate and train for the next mission. During the war, locals in Australia and New Zealand manly liked their American visitors, with some exceptions. This is a great read about their time in New Zealand. 
> 
> https://nzhistory.govt.nz/war/us-forces-in-new-zealand

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this chapter is from the song I'll Never Know written by Harry Warren and the lyrics by Mack Gordon. Many people recorded the song, but I chose the Frank Sinatra version because I love Franky! I thought it was a fitting song and was very popular during World War II.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAWSl_BVqNo&list=RDZAWSl_BVqNo&start_radio=1&t=22
> 
> There will be more information on the battles that Peeta fought in the next chapter. The Pacific Theater was very brutal on all sides. Some of the best books and shows are hard to take, but worth it to understand what happened. The HBO Series The Pacific is one of the best, but be warned it is not for the faint of heart.


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